The time we take and the time we make

Oh Emmy,

It has been over two years since I blogged to you and I cannot believe how that time has flown! Reading my words to you from two years ago so many things still ring true today.  You are still wonderful and amazing and sweet and snuggly and loving and kind- still head-strong, stubborn, and independent, and still absolutely brilliant.  You start pre-k on Thursday.  These last two years have been tough.  My schedule at school and work only got more demanding and more time consuming with myriad responsibilities piling on top of one another to the point where I felt like I was hardly seeing my little girl and had to say enough is enough.  I resigned my position at the middle school last year because it was an hour commute each way and I simply could not do that again and be so far from you and miss two hours a day with you in commute time. I wasn’t sure what was going to happen or if I’d find a job- if I would have to go back to waiting tables but, I prayed about it and you know what?  God totally blew me away by His providence.  I applied for a job at a High School nearby and didn’t get it.  I was a bit discouraged but, I tried to not get too down. Then, THE job at THE best high school, even CLOSER to us opened up and God literally opened every single door for the smoothest transition and job offer ever.  It was incredible and I just have to say PRAISE Him again and again for providing more and better than we could ever hope or imagine for ourselves.

Now, I am only 7 minutes from you and from home!  You are going to be with a great teacher in Pre-K and I am so excited to be able to really establish a routine for you and I that is healthy and calm. You are so much fun Emmy- so sweet and silly and wonderful.  Brilliant- truly brilliant how smart you are. You started horseback riding lessons in May and have just loved every single second of them.  You are a natural Ms. Sandra says and I believe it is partially because you LOVE animals so much.  You still don’t play with baby dolls much, you prefer your stuffed animal puppies and horses.  You love picking out your own clothes and you are quite the fashionista 🙂

Our next adventure will be moving– again. I am praying over that as well.  I would love for something to open up that will be long term for us- so we don’t have to move again for a very long time! I know you will be praying too.  I love that you talk to Jesus and pray.  Your little heart is just so kind and loving.  I pray you always always stay that way and I am so thankful God heard my prayers over you when you were still in the womb.

Mommy has to get back to work now.  I am so very busy all the time but I am going to set a reminder in my phone to remember to blog at least once a week.  The things we have done and seen and experienced these last few years really need to be written down for you to re-experience one day when you are older 🙂

LOVE YOU my little bear,

Love mommy

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A day of wishes and goals and dreams

Hello mommy’s baby, 

Today is one of those days that my mind is full and overflowing of wishes, hopes, dreams, and promises for your future and for our future as a family.  The first one being, I promise to always have family day.  Every Sunday I want to go to church together, have lunch together, play games or do something fun as a family together, cook and eat dinner together, watch a movie or play more games together, and have family story time, Bible reading time together.  Every.Single.Sunday. Starting today.  You are at church with grandmommy,  I am at home watching Andy Stanley online.  But, starting next week, I am going to be in church too. And today when you get home we will have lunch together and read a story and then mommy will put you to bed and get to work on a couple projects.  When you wake up, we will play games and go to the park and sing songs and just have fun and enjoy our precious time together.  The week is so busy with my crazy schedule at work and school.  I know we need and I want and cherish our time to reconnect and bond.  Other things I have been thinking about so much lately are discipline and rewards.  It’s a trying time right now, this phase you are in.  You are testing your boundaries, discovering your own voice, your own opinion, and wanting to have some autonomy and control in your life.  Mommy understands that and I am so thankful and proud of my independent, opinionated little girl.  However, that voice has to be balanced with mommy’s voice and mommy’s guidance and your obedience.  Finding that balance, seems to be a daily struggle right now.  I pray for patience and the best way to communicate and to guide you firmly but lovingly and with success.  As you will one day be very aware, although you seem to be already, mommy hates spankings.  I prefer to use them as an extreme last resort.  I try time out and taking toys away or play time things away first but, it doesn’t always work and sometimes you push into direct defiance which sadly, results in the consequence of a spanking.  I do not want to be a mommy who spanks all the time.  So I pray to God that He tempers your strong will and defiance with love and understanding and most of all, obedience so that we don’t have to go through this phase very long and so that you come to the realization that mommy loves you and only wants what is best for you and that is where mommy’s guidance comes from. 

There are so many other wishes and hopes and dreams for you Emmy.  You are already quite the little singer.  I hope music stays a strong part of your life.  I want you to play the piano and the guitar.  I hope you love dance too.  Music and dance are such magical worlds to be able to express yourself in ways that simple words just aren’t always adequate enough to do.  I want to learn to horseback ride with you too and to take care of animals with kindness, patience, and love.  I want to teach you to play softball and Tylan and Aunt Sammy to teach you to play soccer and for you to love sports and being outdoors and to always be healthy.  I want you to learn to look out for others less fortunate and to have a charitable heart and a heart of service and generosity.  I want you to keep being as cute and funky as you already are in picking out your own clothes and expressing yourself that way.  I want you to be your own person and be a leader not a follower.  A team player not a follower.  I want your voice to be so strong that no one can silence you.  And I want the source of your voice, your strength, your talent, your creativity, your kindness, your love, your generosity, your leadership to be the voice of Jesus within you.  All these things I wish for you and the last the most important of all.  I love you Emma.  I pray all these things but most of all, God’s hand and God’s guidance, and God’s will over your life.  

Love you to the moon and back and to infinity and beyond, 

mommy

Feb 21-2013 mri and aquarium

day before yesterday, you had to have an mri.  You had been complaining of headaches and woke up 3 weeks ago at 5 in the morning crying and screaming that your head hurt.  This is not normal for a 20 month old.  This episode came after about 7 days of consistently telling mommy or grandmom that your head hurt.  I rushed you to Egleston ER and they decided they wanted an mri but, they couldn’t get you in until March 5.  That was a long time to have to wait and mommy was trying really hard not to worry and I prayed over you even more fervently daily that God would heal you and take away any pain in your body.  Grams asked her sister who works in the Emory system to call and see if there was any way we could get in any earlier but, when she did, they told her the waiting list was 2.5 months.  However, the very next morning they called me and said they could get you in the next day at 7 a.m. if we could make it so, mommy said YES! 

It was really hard to hold you and see you in pain and a little scared when they did your IV.  I hate seeing you in pain and crying.  But it was even harder to see you react to the sedative.  Your eyes got all big and scared, I guess because you felt so incredibly sleepy all at once, and then your head just fell back and you were asleep!  The hardest part was them rolling you away and mommy not being able to go with you.  I did my best to smile and hold you and sing to you and not make it any scarier for you until they took you to have the mri and then mommy just crumbled and cried and cried.  I guess the stress of what was actually happening finally caught up with me and not being able to hold you while you were having the scan done was just the last straw that broke mommy’s emotional barrier.  I called your Aunt Sammy and she helped calm me down and was so understanding.  Being a mommy makes you the most protective momma bear and when your cub is in danger or you feel like she is you want to be the one to hold onto her and make sure she is safe.  When you feel like that option is beyond your control, you lose it a little.  But, 30 minutes later you were back in the room and waking up! You drank some juice and ate a couple crackers and once they saw you could keep them down and were alert and your usual brilliant self, they let us go home.  We came home so you could sleep off the rest of your sedative and then Grams and Granddean took us to the aquarium with Aunt Celia, Uncle Chris, Nat-Nat, and Kayla Rose!  You mostly stayed in your stroller or mommy held you until the sedative was completely out of your system and then you wanted to take off running everywhere!!!  You saw dolphins which were incredible and when mommy asked you what those dolphins were doing you said “they were flying mommy!!!!” (they were jumping through the air 🙂 We saw a million fish and some sharks and whales and penguins.  It was all very cool and you were just enthralled by it all! I was glad you could go on a fun little adventure to replace the memory of the morning with something amazing and wondrous! Of course when I asked you to tell grandmom what you saw that day your first response was “I saw the doctor.  He checked in my ears.” lol but then you told her about all the cool things at the aquarium.  

These quotes I have you saying are not paraphrases either.  You are incredibly smart.  Your vocabulary and ability to express yourself is far far far beyond your age!  Every doctor and nurse that came in to see you asked mommy “How do you know your TWENTY MONTH old is having headaches?” and after spending 5 minutes with you were all dumbfounded by your ability to articulate and communicate.  Mommy is very proud of how smart you are and cute but also, I am very proud of how sweet and loving you are just as much.  It is important to be kind and loving and gentle just as much if not more so than it is to be brilliant!  Mommy is lucky my little baby is both!  Now—if we could just get out of this NO! and Mines! phase and not be SO rebellious all the time 😉  We are working on it but, mommy loves how independent, opinionated, and free spirited you already are! I love you to the moon and back Emmy!!!

Love , 

Mommy

21 months too fast

Hello my angel baby, 

You are almost 21 months already.  I cannot believe how fast those months have flown by.  When you were born, well actually, before you were born, mommy started a journal for you.  I write in it as often as I have time to just sit down and write to you.  These days, time is a precious commodity between work and school and what time I do have, I want to spend  playing with you and just doing absolutely anything we can together.  So, I decided to start this blog to you Emma-Jemma.  As a supplemental to your journal.  I know how important the written word can be.  I know what an impact reading words of love and hope and joy and  even fear can have on you years later.  I want you to know what joy and wonder you bring to my life and have brought to my life every single second since the moment I first heard your heartbeat.  I will keep writing in your journal as often as I can, but, I think blogging will help mommy keep up with the in between times!  I love you more than you will ever know until the day you have your own sweet baby and your heart grows to a size that was previously inconceivable.  Here is where our blog journey begins baby girl.  I can’t wait to see how fun this is going to be!